one night.. i've decided to take a walk and go to my favorite spot just outside our barrio. it's already past the usual bedtime yet i managed to leave our house and feel the breeze of the night. after few steps, i was on the top of my favorite hill. i sat under a big tree and looked up in to the sky."we have a clear sky tonight.." i uttered as i saw the bright full moon and the stars sparkling above me.
most of the household lights are off and only few were preparing for bed. the barrio's night scenery never fails to impress me. they're like stars sparkling on land.
(silence..)
i felt the night breeze blew that made me shiver. and i remember, i don't shiver. i never did.. i endure everything. i am strong. i believe i am strong.. i was strong.
and away with the breeze is my hope. my plans. to study at the big city. help my family. have my own name. be known by others.
...but i guess i can't have anything i want.
"life.... *sigh*"
"what's wrong with life?" i heard someone say from the back of the tree sitting opposite of me.
"you always do that.."
"do what?"
"sit there. talking out of nowhere.."
"yep.. just like you.."
(silence..)
"tell me. what's wrong."
"i thought you're my friend. you must know it by now."
"i know it already, i just want you to verbalize it. it helps you know."
"i'm losing hope."
"uhumm.."
"..with my dreams."
"why..?"
"i've been fighting and fighting. i've been trying so hard to change my life and here i am. still stuck in this barrio with no visible progress.. and it felt like i'm drowning. that even though i know how to swim, the water kept me underneath... how i wish not to fight back and let the cold dark water swallow me in."
"but you know you can't."
"yes."
"can you tell me AGAIN why you shouldn't give up?"
(silence..)
"because.."
"because..."
"because... i don't want to be a failure.."
"and..?"
"i don't want to die without proving anything to myself.. to my family.. to those people surrounding me.. i will fly. fly high and reach those stars. for i believe that there's something more for me out there *raises hand and attempts to reach the sky*"
(silence..)
(silence...)
"how that does feel?"
"kinda ok now. thanks.."
"oh kiddo. you're just tired. you don't have to quit. you just need a break or an inspiration.."
"inspiration..."
"yes.. an inspiration.."
"i thought i've lost my inspiration.."
"you never did. you still have chance. i'm still here.."
"i know.. i wanted to be like you.. like really really bad.."
"someday you will be.. you just have to work harder. stay focused. and the product of your work will be harvested in one's time. you must believe in yourself.... you must believe in me..." *voice fades and echoes in the night*
"i'll try.."
(silence...)
*deep sigh*
"i missed you. i miss the person that i will be..."
"... i miss myself."