And Leukemia Almost Made Me Cry.

It was late in the afternoon.. All charts must be closed and patient endorsement must start 15 minutes prior the start of the next shift.

but not for me.

A 25 year old patient diagnosed with Acute Lympocytic Leukemia, a type of blood cancer, became hypotensive after few hours of stable monitoring. from a blood pressure of 90/60, it fell down to 80/50, to 60/40 after few minutes. She's crashing in to septic shock in a matter of time. The Attending Physician noted me to move swiftly but calmly.

She was given rapid infusion of intravenous fluid to promote circulation. Her legs placed higher than her head to assist in blood return to the heart. She was tested for any antibiotic-related allergies. Then was given higher doses of antibiotics given directly through her vein. blood sample was extracted by a medtech for analysis and blood chemistry. she was hooked to pulse oximeter and requested for oxygen tanks in case of any difficulty of breathing.

outside the room, was her mom, crying. she was already very anxious early that afternoon because of sudden rise of her daughter's temperature. Considering her daughter's case.. having high grade fever isn't good. my co-worker started preparing emergency drugs in case of cardiac arrest or respiratory failure.

I was in the room. Monitoring her blood pressure every 5 minutes. checking her oxygen saturation once in a while. Checking the amount of fluids that has already been infused. Previous interventions wasn't enough. Another intravenous line was started on her other hand. There were already two liters of fluids entering her body.

I was anxious. I was stressed out. In the back of my head, I was thinking of the placement and access of necessary emergency drugs. the intubation set. what if her heart stopped beating. or she can't be aroused. what if she had difficulty of breathing.. and a lot more. I guess it was too obvious with the way I stare blankly on the floor. Then I looked at her and I saw her looking directly into my eyes..

"ok ka lang? nahihilo ka ba?"
Are you ok? Are you feeling dizzy?

Her body was weak. Her legs are already feeling numb. She looked groggy. Those eyes.. they're tired and heavy. She could barely open her eyes behind those pair of glasses, but she was staring right back at me.

"kuya... sorry po.."
I'm sorry..

Those words. It was the first time that a patient apologized to me. I almost cried upon hearing those words. thanks to my tear ducts, I was able to compose myself and drain those water accumulating on the corner of my eyes. I'm so stupid. I could handle hurtful words. harsh words. negativities thrown into me.. but a simple apology almost break me down.

She was sorry for her critical condition. She was sorry for needing immediate attention. When I'm at the moment of quitting a very strenuous job, here in front of me lies a weak lady saying sorry for having cancer to the guy who, in nature, must take care of her.

And I know, I was touched by God. He always has His ways. And after all the things that I've been through.. I'm still blessed because of her. Thank you po.


and I offer a minute of prayer for the betterment of that one special patient.