Change. My friend and enemy. For every time she presents herself.. It was like an impending doom for me. A storm. I admit. I become too anxious when something takes me out of my comfort zone. Complacency. Yes. You could use that.These past few days, I encountered a dilemma which could change my life forever. It is choosing between the first step in taking my post-graduate course with uncertainty of happiness and my current place of complacency. I'm taking another leap. Another change. Another stress. Adding to the pressure was my mom who wanted to make everything "done" before the end of the year.
I cannot see any slight image of happiness on that place. The looks on people's faces are either depressed, sad or tired. And for me, anything depressing is a no-no. I am vibrant as the sun. I wanted to glow with happiness and hope. That despite of the downfalls of life.. God and Good indeed really exist. And i want to be the instrument. I want to be the proof that it really does exist. But in the way I see the place.. It felt like overlapping of gray and storm clouds.. That no matter how bright and warm the sun is, it will always be that depressing.The institution requires one year of exposure at the clinical area before they grant my request to take my post-grad course to their affiliated university. It was my main reason passing my application at their institution. In the long run, I do believe that it would be beneficial for me and my career. Their high job order only ranks the second on my priority list. It wouldn't hurt to earn for my future, right?
Now, what would I choose between my future and my immediate happiness? I don't know. Someone special told me.. that choosing the new path is for my own good. Yes, I would be rattled. And yes, I would be sad that I'll be leaving and missing some people.. It's normal. I must choose the best opportunity that exist for it may just cross my path once. Regrets are Nightmares. While some told me to choose my happiness. And that wealth is nothing if I'm not happy.
A kind and concerned person I know told me this.. "you just have to weigh things, No one can decide for you but yourself. Choose what is best and decide without regrets.." I could have all the advice I could get but at the end of the day, it is still me who must decide. (Ugh. Growing up. I never thought it would be so much this critical.)
But, have I decided? Yes. And I'm willing to take the risk.. I'll just continue loving what I'm destined to be doing. For happiness was never made to be chased.. it was designed to follow. Exhibit the right mood and characteristics and you'll see happiness and chasing you back. I may fall down and stumble.. But i'll stand up. I'll never give up. And I'll make sure that with this change, I'll be stronger. I'll be better.