It's been a while since I've made a big decision for myself. Such decision could affect how I'd foreseen myself in the future. I've decided to have dental braces to correct the misalignment of my teeth, jaw alignment and yes, also for aesthetics. But I've never thought that having such would be this painful. Adding to the fact that I've been receiving minimal support from my family. Still, I pursued.
As preparation for the treatment, four teeth must be extracted. Despite of positive testimonials and the contrary to the popular belief of painless bicuspid extraction, mine was hell. It took my dentist more than 20 minutes to remove half of what's required. Funny, I grieved upon losing two of my healthy teeth for some unsure outcome. My dental visits during childhood were all traumatic and the pain (as always) was immense. Adding to my recent experience was the anxiety for the possible outcome, the lack of support and the fear of further pain multiplies the latter hundred times more. The first 24 hours was no good. 36 hours, I feel like a shit. 48 hours later, I'm feeling somehow better thanks to the slow-acting pain relievers I've finally took.
I started to believe that I know what pain feels like. I was able to overcome so many instances where emotional pain is involved. Most of the symposiums and seminars I've attended are all related on how to alleviate pain. But when the medications I've took loses effect, I go from that strong lion, to a limp cat moaning as I try to tolerate the pain. Then I'll go in denial that I have just forgotten how pain feels like. That I felt worse than this.
But tonight I asked myself. Have I really felt "pain" before? Do I know how it feels to be stabbed on the abdomen? What it feels like losing the effect of anesthesia after a major operation? Do I know how it feels to have a lacerated wound sutured? Honestly, I can't remember the last time I've felt physical pain because I stilled into my mind that I was strong enough to tolerate any pain, that I am numb.
But I guess I was wrong. That this is what it takes to be human. This is what it takes to be alive. To feel Pain. To experience Death. I must learn not to ignore pain. It protects our body from further injury and considered a part of our self-defense.
Befriend your pain.
Having it is a Blessing. Sensing it is a gift.
Labels: life, realization, self, summer