One advantage of being young is taking risks. Where mistakes are still acceptable as one grows up. Because that's how we learn. Well, that's what I believe. That I'm still young. So I shouldn't be afraid to take risks. To commit mistakes. To like someone. To fall in love.
When I like someone, I go for it. No questions asked. I want to know the person. Every details. Every flaws. I'll carry on with the feeling of admiration. Until it fades or grows. When it grows, you test the water. Wait for the other party to strike back. If not, you move on with the new learned experience.
But surely, you'll reach to a point when you realize that it is tiring. Though youth never guaranteed constant happiness. At some point, you'll start to look for someone who can't go on a day without talking to you. Or at least talk to you before they go to sleep. Someone who's afraid of losing you. I am on that point.
That those times I took risk and pursue someone is just a waste of time that I could have spent to myself. That learning isn't that progressive after the routinary lost of admiration because both parties did nothing and just let it die. That everything was just a dream. That you'll wake up and then boom. They're just some stranger you've met in the past and all that's left is just a familiar face.
I'm not complaining though. I do not usually find somebody very likable. It is not easy for me to find someone because I seldom look. That's why I find it such a waste for those less-than-my-fingers-in-one-hand mutual relationships that I had left hanging.
Oh well. Life goes on. I'll surely meet a lot of "someone" in the future. Unless..
Labels: heart, life, relationship, self