You.

I thought coming back and asking for another chance was a brave move considering that I do not handle rejection very well. But still, I stepped forward and humbled myself.
I was glad with the shot I made. Grateful for the second chance. I take note all the past mistakes I did and some ways to stop the past from repeating itself.

I tried catching up with you. Tracing the broken dots you've made after I left. I saw the changes you've undergone because of the people and the circumstances you've faced. I am proud, really. For you were able to establish a somehow strong sense of self-confidence in you which I never saw in the past. Yes, I commend you for that.

People in the past have hurt you in some way but I believe that you've unconsciously entered the cycle of hatred. You tend to ignore other people's feelings for you're more focused on protecting yourself. Still, I can't blame you for that.

You said that you despise seeing a handful all at the same time but your acts says otherwise. You know my intentions upon coming back. I am serious with the chance I've got and I have no plans messing around this time. But "flirting" with others was never part of the deal. I guess I've mistakenly transcribed the impression you gave to me into an imaginary bond between us.

Yes. For the first time. I got jealous. Of the people who were able to caught your eye. Or those who kept you interested. Because I'm afraid of losing you again. Because of the regrets. Because of my own personal issues.

So I wish to ask you, "Are you really serious with me?". A question every guy finds hard to ask because of machismo mentality. But I find you more important than any other male chauvinism. If not, then please tell me. Please tell me now. I do not wish to force you in involving yourself to something you do not want or unsure of. I'd accept it whole-heartedly with no hard feelings and move on. I believe we both have a bigger future ahead of us and spending some precious time for something that's bound to end in the first place is imprudent. Rest assured that such encounter I had with you would help me grow and be more mature.

In the end, I am still thankful.


-L

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