Maybe at one point, you aimed to find the right one. Someone who says you're the perfect fit. Or be that someone that they needed. Then you'll indulge yourself to promiscuity, the illusion of fake sense of belongingness and sense of control; that finally.. You've worked things out for yourself.
But such scenario never holds a promise of happiness.
Once the sun sets and the euphoria fades out; like a narcotic losing its effect; you'll find yourself back on the ground, kissing the earth's dust. Then the withdrawal seeps in. Burns your inner desire to be happy, making you more fucked up and depressed than ever. And the pain you've brought to yourself together with the humiliation stained in your dignity would be somehow suffice for you to not go back and forget the amphetamines of lust perceived as love.
You distract yourself with insufficient thoughts and activities. Carry on each day with the dark burden hidden in the depths of your soul; that you've been deceived, abused, shattered by people. And you know what's more sad? It's by knowing that you've brought all that pain to yourself. Then comes the desire of escape and freedom. And you know in yourself that it's only by indulging on risk-taking behaviours that one becomes preoccupied enough to forget what he needs to forget. Even for some wee hours of the night.
Though you're sick and tired of it.. the addiction. It never stops.Labels: realization, relationship