It's been quite a while since such stabbing pain visited my left thoracic area. Though I am annoyed by its intensity, I find it more relieving; for such pain indicates mortality and vulnerability.
Yes. I'm still alive.
Wth the thoughts rummaging in my head. Empty words, libidos and lies clouding my sight. People whose intentions, clear as mud-water. With the dirt slapped on my cheek and spread down to my chest.
When exhaustion can no longer be relieved by sleep. When hunger can no longer be relieved by food. When lust can't be relieved by sex. And no alcohol is enough to forget. I am lost more then ever. Tired enough to give up.
Find me, if you may, but without the guarantee of being saved. For the silence and solitude I aimed and wished to have while I'm with someone, is (of course) a lot easier to reach now that I'm on my own. Where in my stillness, I find the peace and clarity to choose what must be chosen. To consider what must be considered. To leave what must be left. And to step on the path I was supposed to take. Long before people clouded my sight.
We must consider the fact that priorities ain't constant considering the human nature's unlimited wants. That plans, when not implemented, shift. And feelings, when not nurtured, do fade. And when some things change, it doesn't always mean it'll be better. But. Despite such, we must continue aiming to be better. Everyday. Waiting and stagnant status won't bring you anywhere. Step your life forward and move.
And so this must not be considered as a plea. For saving won't be coming from anyone else but from the guy with unremarkable idealism living in me. My protector and my excuse. My escape and my reason.
I guess it's time for me to wake up.
*Writing do help me with the pain. Literally and Figuratively.*