Final hour before the month I've been waiting for is about to take its place on my memory box. Wherein, I doubt that this month would be forgotten just like the other hatch months for it will always be remembered.
People. I started questioning their intent. Their honesty. Their sincerity towards things. Towards others. Towards me.
As I sit here waiting for that sandman to burn my eyes with his sand, I could feel the cold air coming from the air-conditioning unit burn my bare shoulders. I've been dying to have some "me" time enjoying this coffee and watching people like I've used to without giving any fuck.
And with that, I've concluded that those who've shown affection towards me are either people who lacked taste or doesn't have anything to do with their selves. That for surely I will not date my bastard self either. So thus the question of real intent for some.
Then there were two ladies on their late adulthood on the corner who just made the sign of the cross before munching on their sandwich. And I don't know which one of them just did it because the other one did, or they normally do it; not caring if others don't, a muslim, or an atheist. Still. On normal days, I won't see them capable of doing such ritual by the way they talked about other people on their backs.
Yes. I'm a one judgmental bastard.
(And nosy too.)
Things. That there's nothing greater than obtaining things with your hard work and own sweat. That things who came easy would be gone too easy. Or such importance would be treated less than what it demands to be. If you want it too bad, you have to work for it even if it demands you to work for the rest of your life. Then you'd reach that point when you had the resources to obtain such, and you start doubting whether that thing is worth the life-time of hardwork.
Yes. I'm a one indecisive bastard as well.
Places. That no matter how beautiful or fugly a place be, the people you're with surely makes all the difference and not the place itself. They give you that feeling you don't think you'd feel with anyone else. Having said that, you must not close your doors with the possibility that someday, you could feel a better feeling than before. With someone better than before. So never stop wandering around. Go back to those places that once gave you great memories. Refresh those thoughts that once gave you joy.
And I find the incoherency palpable to this post. As if it was slapping me being like an old time writer violating some rules of basic paragraph construction.
Anyway. I hope my future self find this post inspiring and worthy of his time reading. I just want to give this september 2013 a weird and somehow decent closure once and for all.
Labels: life, realization, relationship, self