You're born and raised being influenced by the traits and the beliefs of the immediate people who nourished and catered your needs. You started comparing such upbringing during childhood. And you try to enforce the principles and the values you've learned outside the walls of your home. That's when you had your first quarrel. First enemies. First friends.
You grow up and realize not all has the same beliefs like you had; and you learn to accept that because you started giving your relationships with people a spot in your priority list.
And until you reach that age of maturity where you choose what beliefs you should give up, and the principles you should stand for with respect to your upbringing and the people that matters to you. And you plaque it in your life to immortalize it, to remind you what you're fighting for and serves as an important aspect in every decisions you make in your life.
But when you think it's over, it's not. Despite such commemoration, you still meet people who's principle blow you away. Those who make you look at the same things differently. Those who help you realize things that you never realized before. So rather than, disregading it, you add it up to your wall, together with those plaques, as a note. Adding the "but's" and "only if's" to those immortalized principles.
And too much of it renders you to be shaken and shattered. And your walls crumble. And you start acting opposite of your beliefs and principles. Confused. And you get lost. And you start hurting people. And you start hurting your self. Making you someone who's chicken enough not to stick on his words.
Now I am guilty of the things I held myself not responsible of. I am hurting the people around me, especially myself.
And I am lost as ever.
Labels: life, realization, self