Euphoria

I stared through the ceiling as I felt the ground move. The sight of flourescent lights blinded me as they pass through my eyes. I think I already had so much in my mind to realize that I've already wheeled through the halls and elevators I once invaded with my presence with my feet both on the floor. Now all eyes laid on me as I render them in awe with the sight of almost six footer guy wheeled in a five-feet bed.

There were familiar faces inside the operating room complex. The walls seemed greenish, old and cold. Like the one I saw at suspense thriller films (minus the blood and gore). And I was transferred on the stage located at the middle of the room. Legs strapped for they fear that I might fall.

I was hooked in a cardiac monitor. The sound it makes on every beat of my heart were silenced. A cuff was placed at my left arm for blood pressure measurement. 90/60. That's low for a mesomorph. Then there's the face mask which, I must  say, is better than those nasal cannulas with prongs picking on my nostrils.

I saw an anesthesia fellow injected something in a tuberculin syringe at the port of my IV access. He should've had the decency to tell what that was. Anyway, I was placed in a semi-fowlers position with my right arm perpendicular to my body. 

"Sir bigyan na kita ng gamot ha."

"Sir, I'll now administer the drug."

That's the only time I decided to let go of my anxieties of the future. That's the time I let these people touch my body. That's the only time I decided to trust people I dont even know.

Then I felt the cold swab on my right lateral side. It felt good. It stinks of iodine and sterility. Then I felt my right arm tied on a plank of wood. And I hear mumbling. I was a little sleepy. I kept on thinking on how I'll be able to do my daily activities again. The possible recurrence of my condition. The pain I would feel afterwards. The scar that will be left behind. Tampering the cleanliness and smoothness of my skin hidden under the sheets of layered clothing. I started thinking of the possible tattoo I would place over it. Or whether I should hide it. For it symbolizes my triumph over something that I never saw coming.

What's taking them long to start? I felt the cuff on my left arm gets re-inflated. And I feel my right arm gets depleted with blood (sort of feels like it). There were still mumblings and chatters that I can't comprehend. Then I felt the cuff re-inflated again for the third time.

"Sir, ok na. Tapos na."

"Sir, it's ok. We're done."

I never noticed that the operation had already started. Too bad that despite of my critical attention to detail that I forgot to look at the clock so that I could estimate the time passed that I zoned out. I was then transfered to my short stretcher bed by more than five persons. 

I was wheeled out towards the lift. I kept my eyes closed and pretended to be asleep. I heard people talking inside the elevator. Seems like they know me by face for they call me by first name basis. 

I got back on my bed and finally let my mind get affected by the anesthesia running through my veins.

And once again, I left the reality behind; that I am punctured, vulnerable, humanely weak. And once again, I found escape in the land of dreams and illusion.