I go back to my same old practice even after college. Though I was able to have some relationships, they never lasted. For it was never enough to make me contented.
I passed the licensure exam for accountants and was able to find a job. I looked back and thanked those people who helped me (and used me) so that I could finish college.
I learned to choose the people I'm going out with. Avoid those whose aim is limited only up until the pleasures of flesh.
But despite such, I still give in to those who gave me empty promises of love. Realizing that it was a wrong move afterwards.
I moved on. Nursed myself from the brokenness brought by mistrusts and false hopes that finally, I am being loved. I am misguided by the idea that lust is the prelude of love. And "one night stands" are different from "sleeping around"
In time, I realized that no amount of sex can fill the emptiness within. That I am running in circles. That I am doing the same thing over and over again.
And I am tired.
And I am sick.
I tested positive for HIV last month. And I'm trying to take another shot for the the thing they called love. That's why I declined to accept your love before. Because you deserve to know more.
I am Helena. I come clean with my purest intent. That I do love you.
Now look me in my eyes and tell me, can you still love me back? With all the pains? With all the scars? With all the struggle and all the misfortunes?
Can you still say "I love you" back?
Labels: life, original