I remember this same feeling I used to have before though I am almost running out of words to express it.
It is the same feeling of fearlessness and fear combined. The same feeling of self-indulging and selflessness expressed through acts. The same thoughts of being broken and being whole at the same time. With the feeling of ultimate strength and, at the same time, fragility running through my veins.
I have committed myself long before considering the risk and the loss I would probably have once the tables have been turned and the palms were thrown open. And looking back these past few weeks, what went down between us triggered the sleeping persona I longed sedated in my dark room.
He knows that something isn't right between us but the twisted feelings made my mind to think blindly in another person's stand. Still, I refuse to accept such cue for I was still being fed with the grandiose words coming out from your tongue.
"Are you mad?" You asked.
"Why should I be?" I'm giving you the liberty to confess your own offense.
"I don't know. I'm always letting you down. I feel guilty not being able to do what you expected from me.."
Fair enough. "In case you forgot, I'm a nurse. And I have brought so much patience and understanding to this. Nevertheless, my feelings towards you haven't changed a little.."
"I love you. Remember that." You said, with the relief echoed in your voice.
I just mumbled a smile.
Since I am a nurse, I can see clearly the deviancy made by your acts behind my spectating eyes compared to what I have known as norms of relationships and dating.
I am patientful. But I ain't that stupid.
Labels: heart, relationship, self