Sailor

It was almost sunset. The clouds formed a flock ahead covering the great rays of the golden sun passing through. Yet it makes the edges of the clouds spark silver and bright reflecting on the calm waters of the ocean. 

I am at the middle of nowhere and I feel the waves under my feet. The boat was moving few inches forward. The breeze was warm and hard to my cheeks. I heard birds screeching in the distance.

I am alone. And that thought scared me. To be somewhere I musn't be. That I cannot see any piece of land around me. That it's getting dark as time pass by. And the clouds ahead were continuously forming into rain clouds. That I am cold with the wind. That I am going nowhere. 

I closed my eyes and shut everything up. I bowed my head and wrapped my arms around and in front of me. 

Then I am focused at the now. That despite waves rocking the boat, the sea remains calm. Despite the birds gawking, it reminds me that I am not the only living thing in that place. That the wind isn't really that cold. That fear just heightens and multiplies what I am feeling inside. 

I opened my eyes and saw that the dark clouds, though visible, is still far ahead of me. That my sky above is painted with orange pastel and yellow hues. 

That the loneliness I was feeling was changed by the feeling of liberty. That I am free. And these was the escape that I needed for myself. To breakthrough the rules and the norms that binded me. That I am the sailor of my ship. And I can do anything to please myself. To retrieve what was needed. To claim what was mine. That I never owe anyone my happiness. And the responsibility of making myself happy still lies on my hands. Knowing that whatever lies ahead, I am and will always be in control of whatever fate throws into me.