It was never about the ego. Nor thinking that no one deserves my attention. I have trained to avoid the feelings conjugated by initial meets up and the last goodbyes. Hence the apathy I present with "leaving".
I find rejection more offensive to a slap in the face than the actual slap in the face. For "rejecting" implies insufficiency and inadequacy of one's presented (and most of the time) best traits to someone who thinks that despite all that, you're still not enough.
I am thrifty and cautious when it comes to investing emotions than money, for such (once lost) affects not only your self-steem but also your self-value and trust. Things that money can't even replace nor suffice.
I have learned the art of solitude. And the difference of being "alone" and being "lonely". I have managed to understand the complexities and the science of being a wallflower. A dead walker by day. A ghost by night. That I'd rather be ignored and stay unseen rather than be noticed and have someone discern the absurdities and unsualities I present.
That I rather be alone than to feel what "the one who was left behind" feels.
Ayaw kong iniiwan.
Labels: letting go, life, relationship, self