There are times we turn our backs to our ownself. For the things we said we would not do but we did. For the words we never meant but we uttered. For the lies and dishonesty that did not only deceived others but caused harm to our ego for believing that we are good natured. No matter how hard we believe that we are better than the others only because of the knowledge we possess to discern what is right and what is wrong, we still are all the same. Despite of the knowledge we acquired, it is our acts that causes tears and lashes against the flesh and the heart of people surrounding us. That we still opt to do what we want than what is right. And the selfishness, where we soak our selves into, clouds our id to do what is just for everyone.
I had expressed words I used to meant before but now I no longer do not. Now I am filled with remorse from uttering such. There are still acts I regret doing in the end despite knowing that it would cause harm. I have failed my self for breaking its pledge to nonmaleficence. And that there are special ones who would either grant or deny me absolutions for all those things I've done. I have accepted their judgment even before they have expressed them.
Because the hardest part of my contrition, is obtaining the forgiveness that I beg from myself which I cannot easily give.
Labels: heart, life, self