I'm tired of writing the same things. Of glimpses of the past. Of memories burried but barely hidden. I'm tired of the same scenarios.
Of me sitting on one of your bean bags, staring the star-less night sky outside the window of your sanctuary. Of me waiting for the alcohol-spiked drink you made, and drink it whole heartedly as if I didn't knew it was spiked with vodka or rum. For I needed the courage to do what I have been wanting to do but too afraid to even had my skin pressed against yours.
I'm tired of the remembering the feeling when you kissed me and I was caught off guard; almost dropping the liquor on the carpeted floor of your room. Those kisses that brought me to your bed covered in monochromatic sheets. The hugs I gave that made you feel safe. The sound of your warm breathing on my chest. Sweat dripping on your back. Your moans of desire to have more.
I can easily remember everything. And me ruining everything in a glimpse of immaturity due to insecurity and misbehavior I displayed.
But everything's different now. We are not the same person as we were before. We are acting out what we believe is right and just on the circumstances we placed ourselves into. Our priorities have already shifted and we take a different but parallel path with no idea whether it would still find a way to cross in the future.
Amongst all things, there's still one that remains the same:
I still cannot forget.
Labels: heart, letting go, relationship, self